Compartmentalization

Take each part of your life and isolate it. This way if there is a failure in one area, the rest remain unaffected.

In theory.

In practice it can be quite difficult to do. There is a part of me that wants to just flush all of my past and start over, fresh. There is a lot of emotional baggage attached to transitioning and a fresh start would leave all of that turmoil in the dust.

Compartmentalization.

I suppose there are three basic compartments I am talking about.

1. My life trying to live as male. This was a fairly substantial part of my life. If it were not for my family I could lose this pretty easily.

2. Life in transition. Those two years I spent between trying to live against my character and attempt to appear male to actually giving up the facade.

3. Life post transition. Using 'the surgery' as the point where transition is over.

If I compartmentalize 1 and 2 from my life, then where did I come from? That history is still MY history. I cannot deny it completely.

If I hold on #2 then others will hold onto it as well. I will forever be categorized as the interim state. Because I made the journey, I am forever marked.

If I keep it all together, I leave myself open for violence. I may well be relegating myself to a life alone. I take that back, not alone. I will still have friends and I have yet to meet someone who can deal with the whole history and still be with me romantically.

So, what is the solution?

Best solution: I retain my current identity. Everyone in the world forgets that I was ever (male name) and all records reflect that fact.

Oh, and I grow ovaries.

Worst solution: De-transition and enmesh myself back in the lie. This would be hard to do at this point.

Optimum solution: Live my life. Just live it. Don't disclose my prior identity unless I truly need to (need to be defined later). Don't talk about former life but instead build on more recent experience.

It's better than nothing.