The Second Bounce

If you find yourself single after a certain age and are actively dating then there is a concept that you should learn to deal with.

 

The Second Bounce.  The equivalent of the five second rule of dating.

 

Younger guys are great.  They are fun.  Most are full of energy.  Many are very nice to look at.  And that is great - for a while.

 

But some of us have issues with men we can legally adopt.  At some point it feels a little creepy (I could have gone to High School...with...your...mother *eeep*).

 

Men closer to our own age, barring a solid, informal, all but permanent residency in their Mothers basement, have likely been married. If they are up to the dating scene again, they are on what could be described as the second bounce.

 

There is nothing wrong with that - to be sure.  But you have to deal some issues that come with the territory.

 

1.  The ex.  There is a spectrum to the relationship here. 

     a.  Still in love.  This could be a challenge.  If he dumps you at the slightest hint that they could get back together that is considered NOT GOOD.

     b.  Friends.  Does he expect you to be friends with her too (Awkward!)?

     c.  Communication only for contractually obligated reasons (alimony, child support, raising of kids).  More on this in #2.

     d.  Enemy (this can be combined with 1c). 

 

Chances are that this woman will be in his life somehow.   Watch for vindictiveness - sabotage.  This can come from many perspectives.  If this looks like it is going long term then, if they have kids, you will now be the 'step mom' (which is not an enviable place from what I hear).  If they don't like each other and it looks like he will be happy with you then any chance at ruining his happiness may seem fair game.  She knows what buttons to push with him.

 

2.   Kids.  Do they want their parents back together?  Prepare for adolescent testing (this is something I became aware of as a teacher).  Are you good enough for their Dad?  What chinks can they find in your armor?  Who the heck do you thin you are, anyway?

 

Okay, from this perspective, things are bleak.  I've painted this as a war.  It is a winnable one if your relationship with your man is strong enough.  Of course if his wife died or they didn't have kids then the issues are completely different.  Throw in an interesting biological history and the storm may get a bit rougher.

 

Once again. No real point to this post.  Just felt like making a list.