A Decision?

"It was so wonderful that you decided to do this."

"What a brave choice."

My knee-jerk reaction is to reply that there was not a choice involved.

THIS is how I am. How could I NOT transition? What I have done to my body only makes it reflect who I am in a better way.

Not to say that there isn't awkwardness. When I made the earlier choice, the CHOICE to try and live my life as male I absorbed a lot. Like Jane Goodall, I lived among men and I learned to mimic their ways. I don't think I ever truly understood them but I could often predict their behavior.

Is it brave to transition? On many levels, sure. Especially at the beginning you are exposing yourself to derision, loss of friends, loss of family, and a level of uncertainty for your future that is pretty much terrifying.

I think it is the brave ones that DON'T.

The ones who don't and survive.

Think about it. You try and try to do what people expect of you. You try to live a normal male life. God help you, you get married and start a family. Don't get me wrong on this next part. A family is a wonderful thing and there are great, fantastic, loving moments even if you, in general, are miserable with yourself.

So what is worse? Giving up your identity to try and be normal (whatever that is), being miserable and lashing out at those that love you? Or is running the risk of losing everyone you love in pursuit of wholeness somehow worse?

It is a rare case where either scenario comes out totally winnable.