Fall Far From the Tree

Parents are a funny breed. At least mine are.

I had to come out to them over the phone. They were several states away and stood a really good chance of hearing the news from other sources. So, I wrote my note and read it to them on the phone.

They were a bit stunned (to say the least).

Then they had thought I had come up with a diabolical way to get out of a bad marriage.

Then they wanted me to put everything off for 10 years or so (just to make sure).

Then they wanted to fight me on this (it was my therapists fault, apparently).

Finally, they saw that I was happy. They move to grudging acceptance.

They've been great. I couldn't hope for better.

I often think of how I would feel if they hadn't challenged my transition.

I wouldn't have liked it.

Think about it. "You are going to do WHAT? Oh, okay."

They challenge because they care and when the challenge is done, they accepted the results.

I think early on in my transition we all made a choice - we were going to remain a family. I s'pose it could have gone the other way - but it didn't.

So now we are making up for lost time. When I visit them and then go out with friends, they wait up for me! Mom complains about my clothes, she wants me to dress more like I am 30 years older and 60 pounds heavier.

They know I date but we don't talk about it all that much. Our agreement is that before I bring someone home to meet them, that the person is informed of my history. With casual relationships that is debatable but romantic ones? They have to know.

They get the pronouns right most of the time. For a while they referred to me as two people - the son they used to have and the daughter they have now. So, instead of two kids, they had three. That got confusing and now they no longer refer to my twisted doppleganger.

I have many of the same chores when I go home. Right away Dad puts in a request for baking - everything is already on the counter waiting for me. Just like when I grew up, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen with Mom.

Mom and I sort through family history and let's me pick through the Grandmothers' jewelry. I get some of it if it means something to me but much of it remains with her (as it should be).

My brother and I do computer projects in the house and play video games. We always watch movies and I mock their addiction to CSI (though I do enjoy them once in a while).

We go on walks. We have occasional battles - none of which is related to transition. Dad lectures me on my finances.

We go to the Indian casinos and gamble.

After this whole transition, what is really amazing is not how much things have changed but how they remained the same.