Nerf or Hand Grenade?

Okay, this one is stupid.

You will probably want to hit me over the head with a [insert amusing blunt object here].

Fine, I'll say it.

It was easier to flirt pre-op.

Note that I did not say it was SAFER to flirt pre-op - just easier. It's my own mental block...fine EMOTIONAL block.

I even think I know why.

Pre-op I didn't think it could go anywhere. I could have fun. I could date. I could be SURE that I would not take it any further. No danger of true intimacy. No danger of truly opening myself up for a deeper relationship. There was no possibility of investment so therefore I couldn't get hurt.

My God, how shallow and self absorbed can I be?

Now that there is the possiblility of going further I chicken out.

"AAARGH!" - Charles Brown - age 6

I don't think I am a coward (what transitioner is?) but this is something I am resolving to get over.

Y'all hold me to that, okay?