Is it Selfish?

Is it selfish to transition?

I think that is one of the most biting accusations people make regarding transitioning.

"You are being selfish."

"You have no idea what you are doing to ME!"

So, what is the answer?

Selfish adj. - Concerned chiefly or only with oneself.

I'll get into the spousal side of things in a moment, first, let's deal with family and friends.

What are you really doing TO them? How will this effect their life? More to the point, what do they THINK it will do to their lives?

1. Embarrassment - They have seen Jerry Springer. Because they are associated with you then THEY are those people on Jerry Springer. Everyone will stare at them because they are associated with you.

2. Shame - As far as being parents THEY did something wrong to make you this way. Everyone will look down on them because they didn't know how to parent.

3. Ostracized - People will reject them for being associated with you.

4. Fear - Obviously you are crazy. Are you safe to have in the neighborhood? Are you safe around the child relatives? ARE YOU CONTAGIOUS?

5. Hate Crime - Because they are associated with you, will their house be burned down?

6. Loss of their loved one - This one is big. They have invested their lives in you and you are essentially killing the person you were. How can they forgive the person who killed their child/sibling/friend.

7. Your Eternal Soul - It says you are going to hell for this in the Bible somewhere. I KNOW it does...somewhere....right?

8. Financial Burden - Who in their right mind would hire you? You'll end up wanting to live in their basement - forever.

9. You'll be alone - Who would be interested in someone like that?

10. What about grandchildren?

So the basic categories are:

• You'll hurt my social standing.
• You'll hurt my finances.
• You are hurting my child.
• Fear of violence.

In order to be a selfish thing then you have to get something out of it at the expense of others.

So, let's see what you'll get.

Relative Mind/Body congruity.
Employment Instability.
Immense Medical Bills.
Happier personality (hopefully)
Possible Social Ostracizing.

So, as you see, some of their fears are rational. But the question remains, is the whole deal selfish?

If the 'others' are primarily concerned with their own social standing then who is being selfish?

"Don't treat yourself for this."

If the 'others' are primarily concerned with your well being, then that is something that needs to be dealt with. Concerns for your safety and the safety of those around you can be analyzed and can be handled. You can show them that you won't be alone/ostracized/unemployed. You can take that argument away.

In the end it comes down to their social comfort vs. the resolution of your internal conflicts.

Which side is the selfish one?

(I'll post this incomplete - I do want to deal with spouse/children issues but this post is getting cumbersome).