Don't Worry, Be Happ....nah, just Be

"You transitioned to be happy. Right?  So why the bad mood?"

 

Transition is such a momentous task, that everything in your life must be a reflection of it.  At least that seems to be a popular theory.  Every mood swing, every bad day, every happiness HAS to be a direct reflection of the fact that you have undergone this huge life-changing experience.

 

Here's a clue.  No, it doesn't.

 

Here's the real shocker.

 

I didn't transition to be happy.

 

Oh sure, I am happy with the idea.  I like the fact that I am no longer living in that other life.  The world fits better now and so, in general, I am happy more often.

 

But I do not live in a state of blissful euphoria but my life is...well...just that - a life.  I have ups and downs.  Events happen (obvious statement of the day).  I have my successes and failures.  I laugh, I cry, I have good days and bad.  Very little of it actually reflects the fact that I transitioned.

 

Especially near the beginning of my transition, people who cared about me were really trying to look out for me.  I was somehow considered more fragile (they will all deny this now).

 

I did something during that time that was probably a mistake.  I hid my bad days from people.  When I was feeling down, or angry.  The thing is, my days were never all that bad, I just didn't want to give people an excuse to say "See, transitioning is depressing you."

 

Looking back, I don't think they would have.  This is so obviously the right path for me.  I think it is starting to hit them that I didn't do this to be happy.

 

I did it to be me.