It's wafer thin....

I've been on Weight Watchers since Monday. I probably (definitely) could have been better this week about logging what I eat. Still, so far so good.

I think their philosophy of 'making it such a deal to figure out how many points a given meal will have so you will just not bother and not eat' is fairly ingenious.

The slide-rule is kewl though.

Day of Disclosure

Okay, you're ready. You've got your boss on board. You have your friends pre-informed. An announcement goes out and they gather everyone they can from your workplace into one....little...room.

Resist the effort to run away at this point (unless being physically threatened).

Don't forget to breathe.

How have you made this easier?

You have spread the friendlies throughout the room. Your friends are not in one clump but instead are spread out amongst the crowd.

HR is ready but not over-zealous.

Your boss has some statement of support for you (yeah, you might want to get something like that if possible).

People in the room are thinking of lots of possiblities:

Mass lay-off.
Someone needs bone marrow.
We won the lottery (those group tickets paid off).
You are quitting.
You are dying.

Someone needs to bring this group to order. How this works is dependent on your relationship with these people.

Options:

1. Your Boss introduces the HR person. The HR person can:
a. say you have an announcement and hand it to you.
b. make the announcement for you.

2. HR can bypass your boss all together and proceed to 1a or 1b.

3. You can do it.

My circumstance was like this.

I work in a smallish department on a medium size campus. I have a few close friends in the department. About a week prior, I told my friends. The Friday prior I told my boss that I needed a meeting with him and HR. He freaked (thought lawsuit) so I told him.

On Monday, my boss got the official word and went with the woman from HR to talk to my boss's boss. We then had a meeting of my department. All but two of these people had been told so this was my practice round.

I was glad I had a practice round.

HR got over-zealous and just blurted everything out first thing. This is not how I wanted it to go. Luckily, most of the group was not suprised. But I learned that HR had to be reined in.

We collected people from the campus for the big meeting. Everyone from the first meeting was in the second. My whole chain of command was there as well, ready for support.

I didn't give anyone else a chance to start the meeting. I didn't want it to be a scary situation so I started it off with a joke.

"I bet you are all wondering why I called you here? Well, I wanted to share a fantastic business opportunity with all of...." There was laughter. Success!

So then I said it. So they would know it was not a joke I introduced HR and let my friends confirm the situation.

They gave me a standing ovation. WEIRD!

I let them ask me any questions and then I re-introduced the HR lady and told them.

"There are probably a lot of things you want to ask with me not in the room. So, I am going to go back to my office and you can express any concerns with these folks. I'll be around all day of you have any questions you want to ask privately."

And that was it. The next day I was finally FULL TIME.

That was...geez...three years ago.

I still have the same office.

Prelude to Disclosure Day

So, you have set everything up and you are going to let everyone at your workplace know what is going on. Great! Fantastic! Good for you!

Wait a sec. Back up.

So often we see this process as one-way interaction. I tell the world and the world has to accept me. Right? They HAVE to, right?

Sure. Legally. In some places.

Set the process to pause for a minute and think about the other people. The ones you are telling and will interact with.

If you have friends at work (many people do). Will they be offended if they are lumped in with everyone else? You may think about a private session with those close to you. The trick is to get people as allies and not as adversaries. By lumping them into the big group then you are telling them that you didn't trust them. A slightly early disclosure can be slanted as you didn't want to burden them.

Your boss. Do this meeting slightly early as well. Depending on your relationship with your boss you may or may not want HR at the initial meeting.

"Hi Boss. I need to have a meeting with you and HR on Monday at 9:30, okay? Have a good weekend!"

That would(does) not go over well. The whole weekend the Boss is wondering about the impending lawsuit.

All I am saying is thin about the other people a bit. You can keep this whole process from turning ugly.

Sneaking Around in a Smart Way

So you are going to Transition on the job.

Now what?

Who do you talk to? What is step one?

I ran into this problem. I work for a very large company - one that is known to be friendly to transitioners. So, no problem, right?

Wrong.

The problem is the 'Big Secret'. This is a piece of info that is too juicy to keep bottled up for very long. If you release the info too close to home, then chances are it will splatter on you. Then you can be in a bad way (or you may not. But, there is a good chance you won't be in control of things).

1. Get in touch with someone and find out what the policies are. Set up an anonymous email and write HR. Better yet, if you are lucky enough to be in a company with a GLBT organization, then talk to them. They may be able to do some footwork for you. Hopefully, they can find someone in HR to contact. I would do this at least SIX MONTHS PRIOR.

2. Stress privacy. Explain that you are not letting this info out and if it gets back to you that it is public knowledge - you will know where it came from.

3. Meet with HR. If HR is on site then you don't need to meet them as you will when you DO go full time. Talk to them. Let them know the issues, concerns. Who are you concerned about? Bathrooms? Do you want to transfer?

Chances are is that the HR person will want to do research at this point.

The hard part is keeping quiet. You are moving on something HUGE in your life. It is terrifying but it is also something you want to get on with. Plan who you will talk to. My theory was that I wouldn't burden someone with it too soon because it is a hard thing to not pay attention to. Telling someone and swearing them to silence puts undue stress on them.

If they ask, however, I would tell.

After HR has had time to digest they will want to do a couple things.

1. Sensitivity training. This would be your call. You know your workplace. I thought it would be a little insulting to them. I had HR hold off on this.

2. Disclosure day (we will get into this later).

3. Fallout day. A day a few weeks down the road. You shouldn't be at this one. This gives people a chance to express themselves. Stress to HR that this should not be a regular occurrence, they do not need to out you every few months. If issues come up, deal with them. If they don't then why stir the pot?

Next part - Disclosure Day

A Step Back

I think this was one of the laziest weekends I have had on record.

The majority of my weekend I rested, hopefully to heal a little better from the 'aesthetic tweaking' I had done in my nether-regions a short time ago. I have had some common complications and a lack of contact from the surgeons office. I figured that rest and healing were the way to go.

I went to a birthday party which normally wouldn't be all that restive, but it was extremely low-key so it wasn't too much of an issue.

An epithet I once used in an argument is haunting me now...

"All you do is sit around the house and GROW."

Ah well....first Weight Watchers meeting tonight.

A weighty story

For some reason the last year has been rough in one respect - weight.

Prior to SRS I was at an all time low, down 80 pounds from where I was just a few years ago. A few weeks prior to SRS the pounds started adding on slowly, I attributed it to stress and a little to the abrupt removal of estrogen from my daily routine.

After SRS it did not get better. When I was healed enough, I worked out, I ate right, and I continued to put on a little weight every week.

Some of it was not unwelcome. I started putting weight on in better places. Suddenly I had a butt!

Still, enough is enough. I am now 37 pounds heavier than that pre-SRS weight and I don't like the way this is going.

Weight Watchers here I come.

**--**--**
The Hormone Shift or My Hormonal Life

Once upon a time my system was dominated by the evil Testosterone!
(In system: Testosterone)

Then one day I tried some Herbal Supplements.
(In system: Testosterone, Herbal Supplements)

I went in for the big guns and started Estrogen.
(In system: Testosterone, Estrogen)

I added Progesterone.
(In system: Testosterone, Estrogen, Progesterone)

I added Spironolactone.
(In system: Suppressed Testosterone, Estrogen, Progesterone, Spironolactone)

Progesterone made me grumpy, so I quit it.
(In system: Suppressed Testosterone, Estrogen, Spironolactone)

My endocrinologist upped my dosages of Spironolactone, and Estrogen
(In system: Extremely Suppressed Testosterone, Estrogen, Spironolactone)

In order to have surgery, the surgeon made me quit Estrogen. (Grumpiness ensues)
(In system: Suppressed Testosterone, Spironolactone)

I had surgery (yay!). Estrogen returns. Body no longer is creating Testosterone. Much tears on day 3 of Estrogen return. Body doesn't know what to do when not fighting Testosterone.
(In system: Estrogen)

HMO changes contract with pharmaceutical company. Changes my form of Estrogen.
(In system: Estrogen and Estrogen).

Body relatively stabilizes.
(In system: Estrogen)
**--**--**

The Secret Keeper

(Not quite the Harry Potter reference)

Instead this is more advice about transition.

Transition can be a wonderful/terrifying/harrowing/funny time. Wow, the stories you will accrue on this journey! It's natural to want to share these amazing insights with your friends, your family, people at parties, etc. The main idea being is that you will stop talking about this eventually and everyone else should too.

The stories are good, too good. The amazing insights do not want to be contained. So they are revisited from time to time. This, in turn, reminds all around you (and you) of your special journey.

Now the phrase I will get the most heat for: SHUT IT

Okay, that is harsh. What I am really saying is limit the range of who you talk to about this. In face to face contact limit it to just 1-3 people - your SECRET KEEPERS. Eventually, let the conversations on your transition take a backseat with these people as well. This can limit the damage. Let Mary Ellen in your Chem class, who knows of your transition, just see you without this transition baggage. Sure, keep your best friend aware of the strangeness of buttoning shirts on the opposite side but try to keep it there but those others needn't know that it is anything to be of interest.

If someone asks for information about things, share if you want. Avoid the questions if you want. Feign a lack of language skills if you want. But, keep in mind, that information travels and after it is out there it is very hard to control.

Maybe I should join the circus

There are a lot of things going on in my head all the time.

I don't think this is uncommon. It happens to all of us pretty much
all the time.

Pay the Cable bill.
Pay the VISA bill.
Pay the Power bill.
Balance the Checkbook.
Do the dishes.
Fill the gas tank.
Figure out what to make for dinner.
Lose some weight.
Keep my job.
Find a new job.
Do the laundry.
Get the mail.
Don't tailgate that car.
Do I have bad breath?
Get Labiaplasty.
Do I have enough vacation?
etc etc etc

A zillion little nagging questions and subjects are in orbit around us
all the time.
If I give each of these things equal weight all the time then I would
go into brain lock or become one of those people walking down the
street muttering all the time.

To be a juggler, you have to be compentent at handling multiple things
at once. How well you do this depends on a few things:

How many things are there?
What is the weight of each object?
How fast are my reflexes?

You don't start juggling by throwing 20 things in the air and just
going at it. There has to be a plan.

A couple things help.

One is grouping. Bills and expenses can usually fit into one
category. If you had 10 light expense related things though, suddenly
the group has a lot more weight.

Another is immediacy. If you don't react to something immediately
then it is over with. Don't hit that car in front of you on the
freeway!

Some things don't need to be in the mix at all. Those we can put off
for a bit. It is far easier to juggle 5 things than 12.

I think taking things out of the mix is key. Deal with the little
stuff so you won't worry about it. Get the out of the picture. If
that late fee at Blockbuster has been popping up in your head a lot
then just PAY THE THING.

Sometimes life can seem pretty overwhelming. There is everything in
the world to worry about and you have no idea where to start. Maybe
you can't even identify everything you are worrying about. I
recommend this: Find the things you CAN identify and deal with them.
Pull it out of the cloud of worry over your head. When you do that
then eventually something else will coalesce out of your stress and
you can deal with that. Eventually things can get manageable.

Anyway, that's the philosophy of the moment.

Two Words to describe the last week

Ouch

Ewww

Generic Advice for Beginning Transitioner

This list is alive. I'll add to it from time to time.

What advice do I give people who are just starting to transition? What are the important steps?

1. Make sure it is the right thing to do.

1A. Education. Get as much school as you can. Keep yourself educated and employable.

2. Support. Have a support system in place. (Keep your family as much as you can)

3. Beard. This takes anywhere from 3 months to 3 years. Best to start it early.

4. Voice. Work on it early. Work on it often. What is the point in transitioning if you can't communicate with people? This one is the most gain per amount of effort.

5. Hair. Do you need to grow it out? Do you need hair transplants? A wig? A fall?

6. Money (really should be higher on the list). Much of transition is not cheap. Run out and get stuck halfway to your goal.

7. Support. Have a support system in place. (Friends are invaluable)

8. Legalities. Do you live somewhere where you can change your ID. Do you need to consider moving?

9. Did I mention support? (Someone who understands what you are going through. Commiseration.)

10. Hormones. Other than hair removal this is really one of the biggest steps. It is hard to turn back from this. Get on an anti-androgen as soon as you can and estrogen/progesterone soon after.

11. Weight. Need to lose? Lose it early in the hormone process. It gets harder.

12. Hobbies. Do something OTHER than transition. Good Lord, have a life.

13. Support. This can be a lonely process. Start off with solid support. Some will leave you but SOME will stay. Stack the odds.

I'll add more later.

Controls

I want a Fast Forward button for this week.

Anticipation has its points but at this point - it sucks.